Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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