There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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