I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
