There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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