hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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