He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
