My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
