A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we have officially lost it.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
