I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
