sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
