We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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