i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
