I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
