I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
