so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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