The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
