He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
