My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
