I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
