Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
