Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
