Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
