It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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