By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
