my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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