last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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