That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
