I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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