guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
