I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
