she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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