i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
