I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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