so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
