Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
