in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
