You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
