Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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