My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's never too late to be topless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
