I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
