How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
