i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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