all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
