So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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