Please, let me fuck your mom
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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