Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
