Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
