Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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