feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize