4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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