my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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