Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
