no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
