So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
