Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
