it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
