Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
