id be glad to
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
