remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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