Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
