i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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