I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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