I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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