alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
