Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
