Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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