Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
