I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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