Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
