I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i think i just lost a toe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
