I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize