marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
